Is this a good letter of recomendation for theater?

To whom it may concern:



I am writing this letter to recommend so and so for your Fine Arts Scholarship.



I have known Miss so and so for six years. I first meet her as a student auditioning for one of my plays at Dysart high school. She has always shown a strong interest in the dramatic arts. She is a hardworking actress who is always looking for improvements. I can attest that her theater performances have been quite satisfactory.



At Dysart high school she was also an active member of a student theater group which regularly performed monologues and fundraised for the clubs benefit. She dedicates much of her free time to the cultural activities provided by our surrounding.



As for her personal qualities, she has always been a very friendly and respectful student who demonstrates a great capacity for a future professional acting career.



For all these reasons, I highly recommend this candidate to you. Furthermore, I believe that your Scholarship of fine Arts will provide her with valuable experience, helping her improve her acting abilities, and deepen her understanding of theater culture and values for it will entice her to participate and volunteer in Augsburg College productions.



Should you need further information, please feel free to contact me at the address above.



Kind regards,



mr. so and soIs this a good letter of recomendation for theater?
Hi - not bad, but quite a few dubious words and phrases.

You say 'one of my plays' - who are you? What plays? Are you a tutor or a fellow-student? You need to make it clear.

'Always looking for improvements' is unclear - perhaps 'always seeking to improve'?

Saying that her theater performances have been 'quite satisfactory' sounds like they were mediocre - maybe say that they showed great promise, or were impressive?

You say she fundraised for the clubs benefit - what club? and it would need an apostrophe - the club's benefit.

The 'cultural activities provided by our surrounding' - surrounding what? This is unclear.

The last sentence, 'deepen her understanding of theater culture and values for it will entice her to participate and volunteer in Augsburg College productions.' - this doesn't make sense. And 'entice' is not a good word to choose here. 'Encourage' perhaps?

Read it through as if you had no idea who it was from or what it was about, as I did.

Make sure you have said what you mean to say!